Asking Eric: “Pushy” in-laws take over family gathering

Dear Eric In the last few days it was assumed by my husband s family that we would host a gathering for specific out-of-town relatives We have a better house for entertaining Everyone brought a side dish or dessert I usually have at least one gathering a year for his family I m happy to do it We have a nice dining room but our table was not going to work for the number of people attending I set up a smaller table in the living room adjacent to our dining room As people were lining up to fill their plates I heard particular commotion walked into the dining room and saw my two sisters-in-law carrying the extra chairs and place settings to the dining room table They decided it would be better if we all sat together We were like sardines Wine was spilled on my grandmother s tablecloth After dinner I suggested we all go into the family room to chat that we would have dessert a little later I was arranging extra chairs in the family room when I looked up and saw my sisters-in-law bringing all the desserts to the kitchen table I was reported we were going to eat dessert at once Everyone was trying to balance their dessert plates on their laps when my -year-old niece dropped an entire piece of chocolate cake on the rug As we were cleaning up my husband mentioned that he thought his sisters were out of line They have perpetually been a little pushy but I have either made light of it or ignored it For particular reason this has really bothered me Am I wrong to be angry Unhappy Host Dear Host Wine on the heirloom and cake on the rug I d be miffed too It can be great when guests make themselves at home but not everyone runs their home the same way Let s say they saw themselves as being helpful a multiple hands make light work situation The work is only light if the multiple hands are all working together It sounds like your sisters-in-law need particular gentle but strong direction No dessert won t work in the family room Let s stick to my plan Hosting can be a complicated and tiring undertaking even when it s gladly done You and your husband should discuss how you want to handle future assumptions You may find that your house isn t unfailingly available Or if you do host again perhaps he can be the sister-manager thereby freeing you up to enjoy your hard work Dear Eric This is in reference to the grandmother who was given a strict list of acceptable presents for her grandchild but yearned to buy other things Joyless Grandparent How about contributing to her grandchild s college fund Whenever there s a gift she would have liked to purchase put specific of what it would have cost to facilitate the grandchild s future dreams She can even call it the Grammy Fund if she wants attribution Or the gift of time It can be as simple as a trip to the playground serenading songs while pushing the swings or an adventure to the zoo or local museums dinosaurs airplanes or teaching skills music knitting repairing a treasured stuffie cooking together or whatever Win-win for everyone breathing time for the busy parents shared experiences for the grandchild and grandmother and happy memories for all I m trying to pass on those joyful memories with my own grandchild Who requirements more stuff Happy Grammy Dear Grammy I love these suggestions Gift-giving is an act of love and love can come in multiple forms Particular readers wrote in suggesting that the grandmother buy whatever she wants and let the chips fall where they may That s also an option But I think a little creativity can produce greater memories and keep everyone happy Related Articles Asking Eric Friend s cheating ex moves into neighborhood with new wife Asking Eric Mother-in-law thinks wife has duty to make dinner Asking Eric After an affair ex wants to tell former wife s family the truth Asking Eric Now wealthier than her ex woman debates paying more than her share of tuition Asking Eric Son s older long-distance relationship raises alarm bells Dear Eric I appreciated your response to the -year-old woman battling a terminal illness who was feeling very lonely Need Company One additional suggestion is for her to join a faith locality where she may find comfort guidance and fellowship We attend our services at our temple nearly every week and find all that within our temple region We mention people at the end of our provision who may be facing a vitality issue every week through a misheberach prayer prayer for the sick If nothing else it reminds us of the people we care about who could use help or comfort The LW may benefit from that also and she may even make a new friend or two Finding Solace Dear Solace Faith communities and nonsectarian region groups can be wonderful guidance for endorsement encouragement and companionship They re not for everyone of unit but if the letter writer feels called to a particular faith or tradition this is a great option Send questions to R Eric Thomas at eric askingeric com or P O Box Philadelphia PA Follow him on Instagram and sign up 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